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pretentious_rat_badger
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Name: Butterfly
Birthday: 1/1/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: GOD, books, movies, making my own movies, anime, pool, COFFEE, comics, good music, cooking and eating good food, photography, art, soccer, people who are like animals, driving, asian cultures, talkin culture, NINJAS, soup, saying "soup", loving ppl, hating pretentious ppl (besides myself), serving the poor, going back to thailand, raising a kitty
Expertise: KEIRSEY; ANGST - writing about it, spewin it forth, lending it out, listening to it in musical or verbal forms, making CDs full of it, basically savoring every moment of it; DRINKING coffee; IDENTIFYING people's animals (not their pets); making moments awkward; raising my left eyebrow; spotting pretension
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/21/2005
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| Oh my gosh. After going through a work-in-progress screening, an evaluation with my professors and TAs, one more screenwriting class, and a preview screening of The Wrestler, it finally hit me. I was done with my quarter. My marathon sprint was officially over... for at least a week or so. Still, what a ridiculous feeling.
Thanks, Jesus, for helping me survive these crazy last months.
I kinda feel like I have the whole break before me, but I know that's a bit optimistic. There's still much to do before winter quarter begins again. Yet I know that taking a couple days to catch my breath can only help me.
Here's to sleep. Here's to getting into good books. Here's to leisurely watching TV, movies or anime. Here's to having time to cook myself a meal. Here's to the end of the beginning. And here's to the One who's made it all possible. 
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| there's this thing that actors have, which proponents of The Method love to wax poetic on. they call it the actor's "instrument". it is this thing that actors try to employ whenever they play characters. they open themselves up to a place of vulnerability and become the character. the two identities merge and from there their instincts take them to wonderfully truthful and "organic" places. this is, of course, all well and good and easy to discuss. to make it happen is an altogether different thing. some actors can do it and others will never get it. i've been told it depends on whether the actor's instrument has been properly tuned. *shrug* i love how these metaphors can either be really empowering or quite unfathomable.
at the same time, i have to wonder, what then is the director's instrument? i mean, what is thing that i can tap into and reliably utilize when i step into a director's role. is it a clever mind or an innovative spirit or great determination?
in my eight to ten weeks here (how awfully short that sounds), it seems that my best instrument is my heart and, to some extent, my instincts. as film students, we are constantly intellectualizing and overanalyzing, and because of that, we keep getting reamed by the professors. our acrobatic minds are our safest havens, and we reflexively turn to them for our answers to everything. but more and more, i find that we only hurt ourselves when we mute the heart for the intelligent answer. it's not as if we don't listen to both, but at least for myself, i'm having trouble making my heart and mind work in concert together. our hearts beat instincts and feelings and ultimately the truth we're looking to convey. but school and work has only taught us to exercise the mind. we can jump mental hoops with ease, but ask us about the inner life of a character and we become embroiled in the meta, the intellectual theory, and NOT the "truth" in performance or the "reality" of a scene.
i wonder, how do i exercise my heart? how do i let it beat a little louder? how do i learn to translate what my heart speaks into words that my mind can process and then articulate?
i don't really have the answers. yet, i have 3 more weeks left in the quarter. 2 more quarters left in the year. 3 more years of school. oh, and the rest of my life. i hope that along the way i can answer those questions with confidence.
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| 1. film school is intense and God is good.
2. on the elections and the state of the union--> either way, you oughta pray
3. don't forget to adequately thank those in your life who deserve it
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| With a little bit of breathing time and 25 quickly approaching, I've decided to return to the countdown of the "quarter-life crisis" mix. Thank you for your patience.
If you were listening to Christian music in the early- to mid-90s, chances are you've listened to Ms. Jennifer Knapp. Like Twila Paris and Amy Grant before her, Jennifer (or Jennapp as I like to call her) was one of the most popular and prominent female Christian recording artists of her time. There was something powerful, soulful and lilting in many of her songs that really set Jennapp apart from her honey-voiced peers. I distinctly remember enjoying belting "sayyy won't you say nowww", especially because she and I both favor the alto notes. In any case, imagine my surprise in 2002 when someone introduced this song to me. Not only did it feel like a rediscovery, but the song had all new meaning during my college years. In a time when all kinds of relationships seemed always in flux, God and His great faithfulness stood apart.
The song: faithful to me
The group/artist: Jennifer Knapp
The lyric that speaks to me most:
And reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me
The lyric I remember best:
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly,
for a faith to be faithful to me
Why it's on the list:
And now in this time of incredible change, I find myself drawn back to this song. In truth I have an opportunity to experience it anew. When she sings of idols of stone and dreams in the sand, I watch as all the pride and happiness in my own accomplishments get washed "'neath the waves". I mourn as I let my own wrong priorities and preoccupations betray me. In this time, in this new season, I must remember- as if and because my life depends on it- that there is only one Faith that is faithful to me.
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| "i am changing" - jennifer hudson
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
I'm trying
To find a way
to understand
but I need you
I need you
I need a hand
I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I'm gonna start right now right here
I'm hoping
To work it out and I know that I can
But I need you
I need a hand
All of my life
I been a fool
who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dark nights have I known?
Walking down that long road
there was nothing I could find
All these years of darkness
Can make a person blind
But now I can see
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I Am
But i need a friend
to help me start
all over again
That will be just fine
I know its gonna work out this time
Cause this time I am
This time I am
I am Changing
I'll get my life together now
I am changing
Yes, I know how
I'm gonna start again
I'm gonna leave my past behind
I'll change my life
I'll make a vow
And nothing's gonna stop me
now
"hometown glory" - adele
I've been walking in the same way as I do
Missing all the cracks in the pavement
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet
"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?"
"No and thank you, please Madam. I ain't lost, just wandering"
Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world
I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides
...
Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met
"viva la vida" - coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on meAnd I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
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